Chapter 19: I Thought I Was Alone

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“There is a being in the ruins. A sentient entity of some sort,” Kendra said to the camera. She sat at the computer in the research station, drumming her fingers on the desk as she spoke. “It is tied to the crystals we’ve observed in the ruins since we started this expedition. I spoke to it. Our conversation was, well, intense.”

She let out a pinched laugh and then sighed, running her hands through her hair as she smoothed it off her forehead. “This being has driven the machines into a frenzy, that much I understand. Whatever its biology or technology, it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen before.”

“I don’t believe it means harm, but it asked to be left alone for a few days,” she said. “In the meantime, I’ve continued to study the caretakers’ fuel. Their technology differs vastly from ours as well, though I’ve been able to extend the fuel’s shelf life by mixing it with glycerol.” She huffed. “It makes it last about eight hours longer than its baseline. Still not good enough.”

She crossed her arms, rubbing her fingers along the strange hairline fracture in her skin, where the tissue parted like cracked clay. “I need to find the beacons. The machines probably threw them away, but if one of them still works, I may be able to contact someone off this planet. Because as it stands, no one else will ever hear what I’m saying.”

Kendra ended the recording and slumped forward, head in her hands. Then she slowly rose to her feet and returned to the lab, where she drank a few handfuls of the fuel she had brought with her. She donned the makeshift scarf she used to keep the sand out of her face and headed back to the plateau in the rover.

She had to get a message out, to let someone else know she was still alive. If she wanted to find the beacons, she’d have to search the sand pits in the caves that the machines used as dumping grounds. Once in the ruins, she hoisted herself up into the vents, crawling through the maze of tunnels and scraping her elbows and knees along the sides of the cramped passages.

She stepped out onto the soft, powdery sand in the small cave she had previously visited before she entered the shadow’s chambers the first time. The sand sank down into the center of the room in a funnel shape. The vibrations from the construction in the upper levels of the caverns had shifted the sand, leaving metal and plastic pieces protruding.

Grabbing a metal pole, Kendra fished through the sand and junk. She found bits of plastic worn smooth by years of tumbling around in the grit. Then, a round shell caught her eye. It was palm-sized, about the shape of the smoke detectors she had seen in old buildings when she was a kid.

It weighed next to nothing.

The beacon had been opened up on one side, its circuitry and most of the parts removed, leaving the outer casing behind. Unsurprisingly, it failed to power on. She grunted, tossing it aside and staring into the sand.

“Come on, get it together,” she said. “This is a good sign; it means the other beacon might be nearby.”

But searching the sand was laborious and dull. It made for too much time to think about her situation, to weigh the odds of escaping this planet in one piece. To think about whether she’d ever be able to tell anyone what happened to her here. To think about Antony. Her hands clenched as she remembered the last time she spoke to him—what was the last thing she said? We’ll be back as soon as we can, she thought.

Kendra let out a soft groan, shaking her head as she stared at the ground. She crouched down, running her fingers along the cracks in the floor. Small pits and fractures marked the room. On the other side, a larger hole led down into the chamber where the shadow lived.

She stayed close to the central pit, digging into the sand, searching for anything that may have lodged itself there. Her fingers caught on something. It didn’t feel like stone as she scratched her nails against it.

She pulled, throwing her weight into it until it came free, and she fell backwards into a pile of sand. The second beacon landed next to her with a dull metallic thud. This one was larger, made of dark gray metal, sturdier and more tamper-resistant than the first. She ran her hands over the beacon for the power switch. Her chest fluttered as the top of the cylinder unlatched.

She pressed the button.

It clicked. She pressed it again, on and off, but nothing was happening. Then, just below the button, she felt a rough patch where a small laser had cut into the metal. Kendra yelled in frustration. “Those machines! Why did they have to rip everything apart?” She sank down, cradling the tracking beacon, bitterness and despair mixing in her gut.

“Is that you?” asked a quiet, raspy voice.

She whirled around, stringy hair falling into her face. On the wall there glowed a small patch of crystals. Shadows spilled out beneath, unfurling into a larger mass.

“Did I disturb you?” she asked.

“I wondered if perhaps the machines were active again,” the being said.

“No, just me, digging around in their garbage pits. Found the beacons my crew left behind, although the machines found them first,” she said bitterly.

The shadow moved nearer, leaning over the beacon. “That is the device?”

“Right, and it’s broken. I’m assuming you don’t have a way to fix a beacon. Or send a message off this planet.”

“I do not. My ship has some mechanisms for accessing data stored in electronic form, but it cannot fix physical components. However, the ship’s power has diminished to where I cannot access any of its databases.”

“You have a ship?”

“It is in my chambers. I could show you, if you like.”

“Sure, I would like that,” Kendra said, and she climbed down through the opening into the lower cavern. “Are you feeling better?”

“I, well, yes. My condition has improved,” the being said. “I appreciated your help, as I had become overwhelmed and was in no state to remove myself from the situation.”

“Glad you’re better. I’m sorry things turned out like they did,” Kendra said, rubbing the back of her neck; her hand came away dusty.

“It was not your fault. I am the one who should apologize, especially now that I understand more about what you have experienced in these ruins.” The being glowed bright purple, as though blushing. “I never intended to cause trouble.”

She walked the path that led deeper within the plateau, passing dark, glossy crystals. The being floated beside her as she climbed down a short but steep slope.

“Can you tell me more about yourself? My name is Kendra,” she said.

A beat passed, and the being tilted an appendage in consideration. “It is good to meet you. I’m afraid I lack an adequate translation for my name.”

“But you have a name.”

“In a sense. Our usual form of communication combines words, colors, and shared emotions,” the being said. “Our names follow that pattern.”

“I see.” The passageway opened into the immense chamber where the being lived. The whole character of the room had changed since she was here last. Crystals lit the floor with a soft purple glow, while the rivers of stone on the walls emanated pink light. “How are you and I speaking, anyway? You know my language?”

They approached the stone towers in the middle of the cavern. The dark glassy crystals that had protruded from the base of the towers had retracted and moved apart, though enormous crystals still grew from the floor behind them. Faint purple light shone within them.

“I have been here for some time, and in the early days, my ship still had power. The ship’s database is extensive, and I knew I may have to communicate with a corporeal being. I used the database to learn the four most common languages in your world.”

“That was very pragmatic of you. I can understand you, so you learned well.” She rubbed her thumb over her fingers, fidgeting. And you speak well for someone who doesn’t seem to have a mouth, she thought, but did not say aloud.

“Thank you. I had little else to do.” The being gestured toward the stone columns. “This is my ship.”

Kendra stared up at the towers. “I had no idea,” she said. Hesitantly, she reached her hand out to the stone. It was cool and smooth. With the better light, she saw swirling curves and geometric shapes laid into the surface. “How did you get here? How did the ship end up here? We’re deep inside the cliffs,” she said.

The being touched the stone tower with a long tendril. “I came here seeking an energy source. The ship sensed something, but the technology of the ruins is incompatible with my own.” It turned back to her, shadowy form billowing over the sharp crystals. “My world is not composed of physical matter as you know it. Our ships were meant to bridge our dimension and yours. They can travel through many dimensions and pass through physical matter without affecting it. This cavern is where the ship emerged when we entered this world.”

“Why is the ship solid if you aren’t?” she asked.

“The ship is better suited to adapting itself to the dimension it is in. It isn’t in my innate nature to maintain a physical body,” the being said. “Still, the main purposes of the ship are to store our cultural history and to facilitate communication with other beings. Like you.”

Kendra folded her arms, resting her hand under her chin. “I’ve spoken with the AI that governs the machines taking care of the ruins. The AI believed you had been here for five years.”

“It has been hundreds of days, certainly. I entered a period of sleep—perhaps you would consider it a hibernation—some time ago to conserve energy. The ship lost power, and without the database, I had nothing,” the being said ruefully. “I woke with ghosts of words and thoughts in my mind. At first I thought they were dreams, but they were too concrete. I was confused. When I saw you, I realized they must have come from other beings.”

“What led you to this planet in the first place?” Kendra asked. “You came here searching for an energy source, but why?”

“My dimension was attacked and our entire reality collapsed. I was hurt, and the ship was damaged, but I didn’t realize how much energy I had lost until we crashed here. Then I spent a long time trying to contact my people, but it is difficult to reach them from here.”

“I’m sorry,” Kendra said.

There was a pause. “I cannot promise anything, but you may be able to speak with the ship, if I can return power to it.”

“What would power it up?”

“I could power it with my energy, but I have very little. To recharge, I would have to enter my dimension, or at least reach the void of space, and presently, I can do neither.”

“If you could come with me to our research station, we could see if there’s anything you or the ship could use,” Kendra said.

“Of course,” the being said with a nod.

 

 

“This is your vehicle?” the being asked with obvious apprehension as they approached the rover. They were outside, a few hundred feet from the main cave entrance, in a nook within the wall of the plateau.

“Yeah. So, how should we do this? Do you want to fly alongside, or are you able to sit in a seat?” she asked.

“I cannot fly far,” the being said and hesitantly settled into the front seat, wrapping arm-like protrusions around the metal bars.

Kendra put on her eye shields and scarf, and the rover rumbled as she set out across the sand. Beside her, the being vibrated with anxiety as it attempted to keep its flowing, shadowy form within the confines of the vehicle.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

“Yes, I am satisfactory.”

As they reached the edge of the cliffs, a tremor shook the ground, and Kendra’s teeth knocked together from the sudden jolt. The being whipped around to face the cliffs behind them.

“Feels like the whole plateau is moving,” Kendra said. “Has it been this unstable the whole time you’ve been here?”

“It has. I believe this place has been unstable for a long time, perhaps since the ship that held the ruins crashed here.”

“I would believe that. It looks like the cliffs fell on top of the ship after it crashed. Most of the hull is hidden within a huge crevice, so we weren’t able to see it from the sky when we surveyed the cliffs.”

The being settled down in the seat as though sulking. “The machines have had a negative reaction to me, however, and it is possible that what happened while I was sleeping contributed to their frenzy, adding to the instability of the plateau.”

“Well, we have evidence that the sands have shifted within the last few years,” Kendra said. “Whatever was going on within the plateau may have led to sand draining into the porous rock below. That could have been why the first of ruins we explored out in the desert emerged.”

They passed the golden stone temple, and she pointed to it. “Over there. That’s what we came to this planet to study. More sand drained near the plateau after Antony and I had a mishap, falling into a pit lined with crystals.”

The being let out a soft groan. “My apologies. It seems I’ve caused you even more trouble than I realized.”

“I’m not blaming you. I’m only trying to reason through what happened here and why,” she said, to which the being nodded.

They approached the research station, the familiar white building standing out against the sand. Kendra removed the remnants of the beacon she had found from the rover and carried it with her. Unlocking the door to the research station, she held it open for the being to float by. It moved through the lab, phasing through the benches and sometimes sending small objects rattling across the shelves.

“Tell me, were you planning any experiments on me?” it asked.

Kendra raised her eyebrows. “No, I’m not. I’m interested in your technology and your ship, and I’d like to work with you, if you’re open to it.”

“Still, this must be academically interesting for you.”

“Of course. I mean, when I woke up in the ruins without my colleagues, I thought I was alone. Then I found the machines’ AI, found out it helped bring me back to life, but I still don’t trust it. You’ve been far more forthcoming with me already.”

The office chair rattled as the being squeezed past it, trying to keep its shadowy tendrils from phasing through it. “When I landed in the plateau, I tried many times to communicate with the machines and with their AI. Little good came of it, as they seemed to find me, my energy noxious.”

“I don’t find you noxious. Your technology differs from my own, and I’d like to understand it, but I’d also like to know you as a person,” she said.

“That feeling is mutual,” the being said, bright purple blooming through its shadows as it floated closer to her. “I believe our respective cultures share common ground. It is likely our emotional experiences and values overlap.”

“I’m glad,” she said.

The being shimmered as it lowered itself to eye level with her. “I have been thinking. There is something I might try, in order to make collaborating with you easier.”

“Oh?”

“Could you give me a few minutes to prepare?”

“Sure. I wanted to look at this emergency beacon and see if there’s anything I can do to salvage it.”

“Of course.”

Kendra entered the computer room and set the beacon on the workbench, turning it over under the light. After a minute of rooting around in the drawer below, she located a kit of screwdrivers. The metal panels opened, revealing a circuit board. It was half melted into a mess of plastic and wire, with some components obviously removed.

She set it back down, exhaling a long breath through her nose and pinching the skin of her forehead. “I can’t get discouraged by this; I knew the beacons were a long shot,” she said to herself, and dusted off her hands.

She opened the door to the lab and saw a man standing beside the bench. “I thought perhaps an alternate form would work better in this situation,” he said.

Kendra stared at him. He had a slim build with defined shoulders, with a vague suggestion of a long-sleeved shirt and pants covering his frame. The outlines of muscles and veins shifted beneath his gray skin. She stepped toward him, and his eyes focused on her, dark irises over dark gray sclera. He fidgeted as she examined him, and an uneasy expression passed over his features.

“You seem disturbed. I can return to my other form if that would be better,” he said.

“No, not disturbed,” she said. “Just surprised. It didn’t occur to me that you could change your form like this.”

“It is natural for us to change our forms, however, I don’t have the skill to manifest an actual body yet,” he said.

Kendra folded her arms, still looking him over. His dark gray hair fell onto his forehead, nearly touching his well-defined eyebrows. He had a rectangular face with a long nose. “How did you learn to do this?”

“When my ship still had power, I designed this form from a database of physical beings who donated their bodily features.”

“Wait, what?”

“Oh, that sounded odd, didn’t it? Let me rephrase: rather, they donated detailed scans of their bodies,” he said. “This form is not a specific person, but rather procedurally generated based on my preferences for certain features. However, it’s up to us to assume and implement the form in physical reality.”

“How?”

“I don’t understand the finer points. Maintaining this form is more like a feeling than a concrete set of actions that I can explain. Though I can manifest a semi-solid representation, it isn’t truly a body. I’m not speaking using vocal cords, for example; I don’t have most internal organs. My ship lost power before I could make much more progress than what you see.”

“I would say you made significant progress. But you don’t need to maintain a body like this on my account,” she said.

He stepped closer to her, moving around the lab bench. “I believe it may be more convenient if we are to work together. Moreover, phasing through physical matter isn’t pleasant. It doesn’t hurt, of course, but it reminds me I don’t belong here.”

“I can imagine,” Kendra said. “Can I ask you something about yourself?”

“Ask anything.”

“What led you to pick this form? Would you like me to think of you as a man, a person, or something else?”

“I consider myself a person. We don’t have a direct analog of gender in our culture. Our forms are highly individualized and often change over time.” He held his hand up to the light. His palm was opaque, but his fingers were transparent at the tips. “That being said, masculine terms of reference are acceptable to me. I experimented with many body features and gender representations and ultimately favored this one.”

Kendra nodded. “I see. Being able to change your body sounds wonderful.”

“What about yourself? Do you feel a connection to a certain gender?” he asked.

“Well, I generally consider myself a woman, but it’s not an identity I’m attached to,” she said with a shrug. “I only ever remember wanting my body to be something that worked, that acted as a vehicle for me to experience the world.”

“Your perspective is interesting to me,” he said. “I have never met a being like you before. The information in my ship’s database suggested physical beings would be more likely to feel strong attachment to their bodies, but I assume that depends on the individual.”

“Yes, there’s a lot of individual and cultural variation. I may be unusual in my level of detachment from my body.” She huffed. “Having the machines tinkering with my physiology hasn’t helped in that regard.”

“How do you mean?”

Kendra ran her fingers through her hair, tucking the loose strands behind her ears. “I was dead when the machines found me. They restored me, but now I depend on their fuel to survive, and I don’t understand the full scope of the changes to my body.”

She gestured to the rack of samples of fuel she had taken from the ruins, now decaying into dark, sticky sludge. “I’m studying the fuel, but I haven’t learned how to alter it or make it last much longer.”

“That sounds difficult,” the being said. “I’m afraid I can’t offer much insight, but I would like to help in any way I can.”

She nodded. “I appreciate that. You said you need a power source, right? Let’s see what we can do about that.”

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